Reprinted from Peacemaker Ministries® www.Peacemaker.net.
How to Choose a Christian Conciliator
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Peacemaker Ministries helps individuals who face existing, pending, or imminent conflicts (including separation or divorce) by referring them to a trusted network of Christian mediators (i.e., Certified Christian Conciliators). Choosing the right Certified Christian Conciliator for your conflict is important. The following are guidelines to help you in this selection. What is Christian mediation? It is a proven process for resolving difficult conflict, including neutral conflict. It is conciliatory rather than adversarial in nature, and it encourages honest communication and reasonable cooperation. Christian mediation may involve two steps:
In each step of the mediation process, the couple's church and/or trusted Christian friends are involved. Christian mediation is committed to giving glory to God. What is a Christian mediator or conciliator? He or she is trained in the principles of Christian Conciliation (coaching others through a conflict and mediation), and they understand how these principles work. The mediators have earned the status of Certified Christian Conciliator™ from the Institute for Christian Conciliation of Peacemaker® Ministries. Christian marriage mediators strive to help a couple resolve conflicts and minimize the emotional and financial damage that often accompanies a marital crisis. The conflict coaching and mediation is provided by Certified Christian Conciliators who agree to abide by the Standard of Conduct for Christian Conciliators. The process is conducted according to the Rules of Procedure for Christian Conciliation established by Peacemaker Ministries. This ensures that all parties involved are treated equally. For more information on Christian Conciliation (conflict coaching, mediation and arbitration), see Resolving Conflict through Christian Conciliation. Steps to Take Trust God. Do you believe that God cares about your problems and conflicts? Do you believe that God wants to resolve these conflicts? Do you really believe the Son of God loves you and died for your sins (and those of the person with whom you are in conflict), was buried and rose from the dead (1 Corinthians 15:1-4)? Then remember what you believe when you are dealing with conflict and difficulties. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by the faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20 Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 (NKJV) See also Hebrews 11:6 Look to the Bible. As you look to God in faith through the Scriptures, you will gain strength and wisdom. God will not allow us to be tempted or tested beyond what we are able to bear. 1 Corinthians 10:13 He is our strength and place of refuge whenever we need Him. Psalm 46:1-3 See also Romans 8:28 Pray. Ask God for wisdom to make the right decision as you seek a Christian mediator. God promises to give you wisdom if you ask for it in faith (James 1:5-8). Trust Him to direct your steps to the right mediator (see also Psalm 23, Proverbs 16:3, and Philippians 4:6-9). But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without and doubting. James 1:5-6a Understand the problem. It is important to realize that every dispute or conflict involves two people. Often deeper problems cause conflict that can block communication. Without open communication, conflicts cannot be resolved. Mediation can often resolve conflicts and reestablish communication in a marriage. The more you understand a problem and how to address it, the more you will be able to follow God’s blueprint for your marriage. By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established. Proverbs 24:3 Seek counsel from your church. It is always important to seek the counsel of your pastor or other church leaders. If you are not active in a Bible-believing, gospel-centered local church, take steps to find one. Ask church leaders to recommend a Christian counselor who can help you. Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you. Hebrews 13:7 Things to Remember Mediation is NOT counseling A mediator is not a counselor. A mediator is trained in conflict resolution. He or she does no counseling, but simply guides a couple or family to identify areas of conflict and the heart issues causing the conflict. A mediator resolves each conflict so that each person can move toward counseling, which will help them correct attitudes, actions, and wrong ideas. The mediation process often reestablishes communication so that an individual can go on to seek counseling for the deep issues or problems that may be affecting their relationships. Look for a Mediator Who:
Write down the mediator’s answers, if possible. Talk to your pastor, church leader, or a trusted Christian friend about your conversation. Continue asking God for wisdom to make the right decision.
Since Christian marriage mediators are professionals who engage in marriage mediation both as ministry and as vocation, associated costs and fees will vary by mediator. To Find a Certified Christian Conciliator, click here. To Find a Certified Christian Conciliators for marital conflict, click here. |